Hot Pants

Anyone ever see that Saved by the Bell episode where Zack makes the Girls of Bayside calendar to save the school store? And, in typical Saved by the Bell fashion, something completely unrealistic happens and a professional photographer somehow finds the calendar and puts Jessie, Lisa, and Kelly in a fashion magazine and then something even more unrealistic happens and Kelly is offered a cover shoot? A cover shoot that involves a month in Paris?

I find this episode was one of the more dramatic ones. I mean, there are the obvious dramatic episodes, such as the one where Jessie gets so excited about the energy pill so she can perform in the girls singing group's video (again, totally realistic), or the one where Zach drunk drives at the toga party, or the one where they make the whole anti-drug commercial, or the one where Zach dis the family tree presentation in the Indian garb and met the old Indian dude who dies and shows Zach some important lesson or other. These episodes are meant to be dramatic.

The Kelly Goes to Paris episode wasn't outright dramatic, but let me tell you, from my viewing of it this morning, Zack personally has some very dramatic moments, the most dramatic of which was when he stood up to the photographer and the photographer basically told him he was an asshole. Come to think of it, I think that the photographer was the only character who ever treated Zack like he deserved to be treated. Or like I like to think Zack would be treated if he were in the real world - like a pompous asshole.

Anyway, the best part of the entire episode was this: the awesome jeans that Jessie had on in the photoshoot. She also had on a kick ass denim shirt, too, that was accented with tan leather that matched the faux chaps attached to her awesome jeans.

Sadly, I must admit, I recall the first time I saw this episode, I remember being jealous because I wanted a pair of jeans like that.

Happy Cow

I've noticed something about those "Happy Cow" commercials, the ones for "Real California Milk".

Lately, there's been a lot of bulls on the commercials, and the gist of them has been the bulls hitting on the cows. One was a bull speaking with a French accent who the cows called out for faking and the other was two bulls talking about how the cows in California were different from the cows out east.

The cows always, always either make fun of or blatantly reject the bulls.

"Happy" cows? Really?

Apple Fries

Today, as I was watching Jeopardy, there was a Wendy's commerical on that was advertising "apple fries".

These are seriously merely apples that are sliced into the size and shape of french fries and placed into a french fry container.

Do we really think this is going to fool kids? They still know they're eating an apple.

I hope that people realize soon that they can make their own apple fries for their children with merely an apple and a knife.

Why I won't talk to 21 year old boys

There is absolutely no reason to talk to a 21 year old boy if you are a woman who has already graduated college. They do not want a relationship and the sex can't compare to the sex you can be having with men in their 30s who usually no longer prefer the jack rabbit method and can afford to buy you a drink.

Macaroni

I find it ridiculous that I can never manage to prepare an appropriate amount of macaroni. I always make too much because I can't grasp the concept of how much the noodles swell when they're boiling.

Giant Eagle

I find it amusing that it is impossible for me to go the the Shadyside Giant Eagle Market District without looking like an asshole when I leave.

Everytime I try to push my buggy back to the buggy return, the wheels lock, leaving me stuck behind 2 or 3 cars fighting their way out of the poorly planned parking lot.

UP_C

What the hell was up with that? Seriously? You make more money than any other "non-profit organization" out there and you can't afford to put up the "M" with the rest of the letters? You can build a brand new hospital and take over a perfectly good one, but you can't put up an "M" on time?

Men with Ponytails

It is generally not a good idea for any man to have a ponytail. I find this a fascinating phenomenon, and I'm wondering who is telling these men that they look cool or attractive?

Who is the type of man who wears a ponytail?

1. Bikers. Biker's, if they have hair on their head, tend to have long ponytails. They also sometimes don them with multiple rubber bands, strategically placed the exact same distance apart, down the length of said ponytail. I would think that the best hair cut for a biker would be either no hair at all or something short and manageable to fit under the helmets that they may or may not be wearing.

2. Lazy smelly boys in bands. I think it's like they think that by not cutting - or in some cases, washing - their hair, they're almost trying to prove that they take their talent too seriously to care what they look like. But then they spent hundreds of dollars on tattoos and leather cuff bracelets.

3. Those who are trying to make up for what they're lacking on top. Guys, if Mother Nature is telling you the hair has got to go by making it all fall out then the hair has got to go. No one is fooled.

4. People who are stuck in other decades. Yes, Bret Michaels has long hair and sometimes puts it in a ponytail, but 2008 Bret Michaels is not 1988 Bret Michaels, and now he just looks like an old man who's trying to fit into leather pants and pretend that anyone but people in Pittsburgh give a shit about Poison. And, yes, my big brother had a rattail when it was 1985, but that doesn't mean the trend carried over into the 2000's.

Donate that shit to Locks of Love or something. It's doing you no good.

Question: Does "mine's is" = "mine is"?

Answer: No

Sorry I've been away...

... and if I were the kind of blogger who wrote about those kinds of things, I'd let you all know how awesome my time away was, but I'm not and it's back to reality.

I do, however, have many entries to write. My notebook is full.